Blue Revue: Porn Festival

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I went to my very first Porn festival! It was so much fun!

Vue weekly’s 8th annual Blue Revue “Edmonton’s sexiest film festival”. Hosted by Beau Creep and Kiki Quinn.  It’s wasn’t exactly as raunchy as it sounds. I would describe it more as a erotic film festival, but porn does sounds more fun. I found out about it from the sex geekdom group that I joined on Facebook and I’m glad I did or else I would never have know this existed until it was too late. Here’s how the night went down and a little about all the short films that I saw.

First off I want you to know a little bit about the festival. Blue Revue is an amateur  porn film festival put on every year here in Edmonton. Each film is at most 5 minutes long and from what I saw all filmed here. They obviously have rules like there shouldn’t be anything illegal, and everyone must be over 18 and sign consent forms. Other than that the goal is free expression. There were definitely hilarious things freely expressed.

The night started out with a burlesques show.  Our two hosts Beau and Kiki started off the night well with some sexy burlesque dances and encouraged the audience to woot and holler at the dancers taking their clothes off. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something so sexy and cute with only implied nudity.  After the four dancers and some time killing Never have I ever audience participation we finally got into the films. I won’t give too much detail, because there are so many and they’re made for one night and one night only, but I can give you a general idea and what I thought of the film. I also might get some of the names wrong, because they aren’t written anywhere. I’ll make sure to make note of them next year.

The first film Kinky Karaoke:  A couple going  karaoke at what looks to be a bar and the woman sings a song to her lover. “I love Bukkake” as fake dicks fake ejaculated all over her face. There was a montage of the kinky things happening around the bar as well. Including someone pretending to be a cat and a dildo in a glory hole. A very interesting concept and definitely a good start to the festival. I couldn’t stop laughing at what was going on as well and how confused I was about what I was watching.

Glazed holes: Another curiously ambiguous name. It made more sense once the films started going, but the beginning was almost misleading. A girl in the bathtub masturbating but she seems to be struggling to get aroused. She covers herself in donuts and that’s what gets her going. It was imaginative, creative and overall extremely entertaining. Slow motion and sexy music playing in the background as though it was an simply and erotic scene of a naked girl playing with herself. I know for sure food play or cake and donuts are someones kink and maybe it was something that would get them off, for me it was an abstract concept that provided me with a good laugh.

Pizza whores 14: This Film parodied porn where someone comes to your house and delivers something. I.e Pizza. It started off super sexy leading to us believing the two characters would have sex, but it takes a turn quickly as they enter the house. The girl who lives there sits the pizza guy down and tells him that she’s late. Implying she’s pregnant and it’s his child. The end plays out as though they’re a young couple in love and dealing with and unwanted pregnancy. He says he’ll quit his job and work for his father and take care of the kid. Some parts of it were funny, but I also found it kind of dark and sad in a way. The switch from cheesy sexy porno to cheesy but serious business really threw me off.

For the love of the internet:  Okay for the life of me I cannot remember the actual name of the next one, but I wouldn’t say it was super memorable anyway. There was a guy starting to masturbate to some porn on the internet of course. All of a sudden he realizes something and calls his friend or his roommate over to show him. Turns out one of the pornstars is the other guys mother and the friend goes on a long rant about how beautiful the film is and how great she is… in the end the son agrees and is proud of his mom. It wasn’t very funny and not super creative, but that’s the price of amateur films I guess. They put in a good effort.

Okay after that was intermission where my anxiety tried to take over and tell me just to sit and wait until the show started again and not venture down into the lobby to check out the booths and enter the contests, but my will persevered and got out of my seat and waited in the queue with a billion other people to get to the two booths outside. One was from the adult store HUSH, the other was HIV Edmonton and they were giving out condom lolipops, dental dams, and hiv pins. So I entered in the contests and got some free swag. A 20% coupon for Hush and $10 off. And also this cute little penis puppet card.



After that I didn’t dare try to make my way to get a drink or stand in line for the washroom there were way too many people and I was way too anxious. So I turned around and went back to my seat until intermission was over and we resumed the films.

Mammogran: makes her first online dating video: I had no idea what to expect from this one. A woman dressed as an old lady making a online dating video. I couldn’t stop laughing again. There were a few under boob shots “mistakenly” added. Exercise machines with Pony by Ginuwine playing in the background. Which oddly enough reminded of Channing Tatum in Magic Mike XXL And lastly bed humping in Sears department store. Mammogran is just trying to find love and I think she found it from the entire audience and Blue Revue. It was an obscure masterpiece accurately named.

Female gaze: A POV* of a woman’s night out. Where she meets a few different types of men that any single woman willing to hook up with people would meet in her life. The cute one that ends with a kiss. The too drunk to hook up. The fun one you take home. After hooking up and exchanging numbers he leaves and her booty call boy sends her a text and comes over. THIS WAS THE ONLY REAL PENIS I SAW ALL NIGHT. They hook up he leaves and the shot changes from POV to a wide shot of her looking very satisfied. I felt inspired and familiar with this one. It make me feel joy and satisfaction with being promiscuous. I voted for this one.

The Tissue: A slightly disgusting tale of a night out told with puppets. A narrator tells a story of going home with a guy which is something she doesn’t really do. Trying to be sexy even though she finds herself in a very strange situation and ends up giving him a hand job. He then proceeds to clean up with a tissue and goes to sleep. She has a drink from the glass of water she brought with her and the tissue that he used was in her glass. It was a gross story made hilarious by using little fuzzy puppets as the characters. The drinking of the water was played in slow motion adding to the hilarity but also the really grossness of the story.

That was it for the films. While we waited to hear who won the hosts brought up HUSH and HIV Edmonton to hand out some awesome prizes.  A LELO Smart wand, coupons for HUSH and HIV Edmonton gave out a weekend out lunch box with a stash of condoms, energy bars and other cool things. I unfortunately didn’t win anything, but at least I tried. Lastly, the hosts held a sex position competition for the audience and called up six couples to try to with. The couples quickly got into each position mostly ritheing around on the stage or lifting their partners in the air. The winners got some coupons for Hush, and in the end everyone got free tickets to the taboo show happening in November.

Then it was time to announce the film winners:

Winners of the Blue Revue!!!

1st place: Mammogran!

2nd place: Female Gaze

3rd Place: Glazed Holes!

This evening was really fun.  I enjoyed participating and I can’t wait to go again next year and see what people come up with. For a Festival as a whole I still think it has some work to do. On the tech side it was a little rough which was hard to watch as a theatre technician. I just wanted to help it run a little smoother. As a participant and viewer I am so glad there is a festival like this so close to home and I hope there are more like it to come. Free expressive sexuality is so wonderful to embrace and so much fun to be a part of. I’m excited to experience the edmonton Taboo show in November and tell you all about it.

Until next time, See you friends!

 

 

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