Treat Yo ‘self: A Masturbation guide

Okay, I don’t often talking about masturbation with friends in a serious context, but I think it might be time for some experience upgrading for the people in the back still too ashamed to admit they masturbate.

I will start with the fact that most people masturbate there shouldn’t be shame in it. I won’t say everyone masturbates, because I don’t want to assume that everyone does.  Personally, I’ve felt a lot of shame about masturbating for a very long time. It was always something I did quietly, in the dark and quickly so no one would find out. Now as an adult that’s no fun. I think masturbation can be an enjoyable discovery and pleasurable experience for/and of yourself. So, this is for those who do a little diddling here and there and might want to change it up once in a while. Here are some suggestions for giving yourself some good alone time.

1. Take time to relax and get comfortable. I often think of masturbation as the last thing to do before bed to help me fall asleep, but self-pleasure is an art. It can be spontaneous and beautiful. It can also take time and planning to create something beautiful. So, if you like a nice long relaxing bath, fill up the tub. Get yourself nice, and clean and relaxed. Maybe have a glass of wine, put on some lingerie or stay naked if lingerie isn’t your thing. Let go of your troubles and frustrations — it’s you time!

2. Create a romantic atmosphere. (If that’s something you like, that is) Occasionally with partners I like a thought out romantic evening with candlelight, and some sort of soft or sensual music in the background. (Cue: “Sexual Healing”) While these are all wonderful to experience with a partner, it’s just as fun and exciting to create that same romantic setting for yourself. Put on some Marvin Gaye, maybe dance around a little and get ready to get it on!

3. Bring out the toys, if you have or want any. If you don’t have any toys I recommend visiting a local sex shop. Or using any of my any  online and perusing your options, but for now just skip this step. If you do have any toys you can pick one out to use at any time, but I think it’s more fun once you’ve started to get yourself in “the mood.” Choose what you’re going to use to take you to Pleasureville; population you and your toy. You should know what works best for you, and if you don’t, at least you’re on your way to finding out.

4. Pick a great lube! It’s not only for partnered sex or old ladies. I encounter a lot of people that just don’t use lube! Lube makes any sexual experiences so much better. Often when I suggest lube for masturbation I’m often met with a surprised or disgusted response. Yes, most vaginas naturally produce lubricant and people don’t feel the need to add anything “extra”. Or people with penises who have most likely grown up using lotion or something of that sort to make masturbation more comfortable often avoid lube or see it as an unnecessary expense. Lube is an enhancement and frankly, it does a much better job than simply relying on those other options. I will warn you, though: that not all lubes are created equal. It might take some searching and sampling to pick one that’s right for you. It’s also helpful to have a variety to choose from depending on the occasion. For example, Anal vs. Vaginal penetration. Or depending on the material of toys being used, e.g. silicone, glass, metal or plastic. Trust me, even if you’re flying solo, lube will be right next to you in the “cockpit “😉.

5. Take time to explore the sensations that you like. Now I know you might be thinking it is time to jump right in and get this done. You’ve done so much work already to get to this point. You’re getting there, but there’s still no rush. Lie down or sit down, whatever you prefer, with your toys and your lube nearby. Start to slowly explore your body from head to toe or torso if you’re not into feet things. Touch your face, place your fingers on your lips and mouth. Feel your arms and hands. Play with your breasts and/ or nipples if you don’t have breasts. Move down to your belly. Notice how you react to all these sensations and touches. Feel your thighs around your groin. If you’re feeling particularly frisky, maybe give your bum a little smack. When you’re ready, get some lube and grab your toy. You can start with things you know you like, but feel free to get creative. If you have a vagina and are partial to clit stimulation try switching it up with some internal stimulation, or perhaps switching hands. See if you can discover something new. If you have a penis maybe add some scrotum stimulation, a little perineum stimulation or try switching hands. A male masturbator will make a difference too.  You might like some of my suggestions or you might hate them, but either way you’re figuring out what works for you.

6. Keep going! You might be done after your first orgasm. You did it! You’ve made it to your destination, but why not “come again?” It’s your choice whether you just continue after you’ve already just had an orgasm or you wait a little while before going at it again. You’re still releasing oxytocin, endorphins and helping to relieve some pain and stress you might have. You may have even discovered something new that enjoy and you want to explore it more. Endless possibilities and endless orgasms! There’s a benefit if you keep going. Keep in mind what limits you might have, but it’s your body you know it best.

There you have a Treat yo’self guide to self pleasure! If you have any other ideas or suggestions leave a comment or tweet at me I’d love to hear it.

Until the next time friends.

This post was inspired by a sexplanations video: 33 Masturbation Tips and this post on Wild Flower. There are so many more ways to learn to explore yourself. <

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