It’s hard being someone who forgets she is allowed to take up space. It’s hard being some who forgets she is allowed to have an opinion and share it with others. Even I, a fairly open person, find it so easy to talk about anything with certain people and impossible with others. Often I find myself apologizing for my passions.
I need to remind myself. I am a person like any other with needs, wants, opinions and a body that I am in control of. I am black and I have needs, wants, rights, opinions, views, culture and a body and I am the only one entitled to it. Who but only me. I will take the space I need unapologetically. I will work hard for myself unapologetically. I’m not the saviour. I’m not the best friend. I am me reclaiming my time. I am reclaiming my time.
I need to actively stop myself from worrying about how the things I do will look to other people. I want to disregard the idea ingrained in me that the way people perceive me gives me worth. I am unconventional and it’s beautiful in the uniqueness that is me. I should be able to speak freely as those who I often let control my feelings do. I must express myself openly if I want to grow. To experience growth there are things I need to let go.
I’m not here to gratify conventional thinking or censor my thoughts to make people comfortable. I am here to question why it’s conventional. I am here to open my heart and soul to make a change and experience life and its pleasures. Sex, love, a decent scalp massage. A good cry after something emotionally taxing. The pleasure of putting something out into the world that will make other uncomfortable, and also open their minds to different perspective. The satisfaction of saying “Oh well let them be uncomfortable”. I want the freedom of not giving a fuck.